10 Reasons Why NOT to be a Bass Player
- Dhruv Bhate, ex-Bassist with the Blackbirds

Bass lovers of the world, don't hate me for this. This isn't written for you anyways: it's written for everyone else, especially aspiring guitarists who turned bassists overnight either because their band needed a bass player or because they wanted to get into a band that needed a bass player. I belonged to the former lot and after 2 years of strumming, plucking, picking and slapping my way on my 4 string, I thought I'd share 10 reasons why NOT to play the bass guitar. Seriously, I still think Jaco is God. And I'm sure there are 10 reasons why you SHOULD play bass too, in fact I started writing that one out first and this came to me quicker and therefore you have it: 10 Reasons why you should NOT aspire to play bass in a rock'n'roll band:

1. You are known to your friends and relatives as a 'guitar player'. Come Diwali parties and you're thrust a cousin's battered acoustic and expected to reproduce Hotel California and Sultans of Swing note for note. And no, no one knows (or cares to know) what a walking bass line in 6/8 is.

2. You want to play an obscure yet rocking B-side by the Who. And the bass line is real hard, you spent 2 nights getting it right. Except you forgot, the band revolves around chords: the song selection comes from the guitarist coz he's the one who plays them.

3. You spent 5 nights playing on your 6 string and wrote this song. But your guitarist needs to learn your song. Worse still, he's got his own song and you, as bass player can of course play along. Oh yes, it's in B minor, so pluck along now!

4. You play on stage and nobody GETS you. Unless he's a musician or been listening to rock intelligently for more than 5 years, everyone doesn't plain GET what you're getting all excited about: after all, they can't hear or distinguish the sound you make!!!

5. Your band ALWAYS hears you loud and clear, no matter how the audience hears you. You barely are done with the first song and you get the usual "Turn the bass down. It's too loud". Everyone but your band mates think so. Unfortunately, they could be right: after all, unless you turn the bass so high it blows everyone's ears out, no one's going to hear it anyways.

6. Okay, quiz. Who has the heavier amp: the guitar player or the bassist? Who has the heavier instrument? That's right, move that stuff yourself, brother!

7. So you want to sing too. Contrary to what people might tell you, playing the bass (correctly anyway) and performing primary vocal duties for your band is never going to be as effective as strumming chords out or just going solo with a mike stand. Your heavy instrument demands more than just partial, distracted attention.

8. Your drummer can't make the gig so you cancel. Next weekend, YOU have to leave and won't be able to make the gig, but there's always Rahul from Demented Neurasia who can fill in for you…he is actually a newbie heavy metal power chord chumping guitarist, but heck, anyone can play 'basic, follow-the-root-note' bass right? I won't say the phrase 'indispensable bassist' is an oxymoron, but you get the idea.

9. You build a home studio. Guess what everyone says is the toughest instrument to get a clean sound on? Yup, I'm afraid so. Guess what part is going to be least audible in the final mix? That's two in a row!

10. Notice how few bass classes there are in the city? So much for making some money on the side, spreading your art and sharing your tricks. Ask your guitar and drum buddies how they're doing with part time teaching. But then those are like, real instruments and tough too. Plus the kids go home and show off to their parents: "here I can play the Sweet Child of Mine intro, cool na?" or "hey dad, see THIS is the Cha-Cha-Cha". As against "Hey Mom, check out this bass run: it's the same one John Entwistle played on My Generation". Right, how much are we paying for those bass lessons again?

I am no great bassist as you have probably figured out. And while the above is written in good humour, there is a serious note in it: if you are an independently minded rocker who wants to write songs, has strong opinions on how you want your music to sound, which songs you want to play, if you want to sing…stick to the old faithful with six strings. It might be harder to get into a band or to get a bass player for your band, but if you're in it for even a little more than just the odd practice and fun of it, yet want to belong to a rock'n'roll band in the truest sense of the word, it just may be worth the wait. Play your bass for hours a day, but NOT for a band! On the other hand, if you're an instrumentalist, a true blooded musician, disregard everything I've said. What do I know about music anyways?